finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
