Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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