Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm at about main and main street
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
