Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
