i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
