im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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