Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
