so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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