I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
