just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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