jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
