Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
