I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
