I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
