my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
