I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
