yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
