Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
