I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I am one with the molecules
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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