So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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