You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
