pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
