chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
