Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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