I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
