So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
