Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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