I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
