ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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