Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
