im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
