my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
