the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
