ya dads aren't the best wingmen
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
