at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize