what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I want to fling myself into the sun
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
