I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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