If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
