I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
