apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
