I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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