That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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