I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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