the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
