Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize