Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
