Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
