She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
