I bet he comes in French.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
