you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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