Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
