hell yes lets make some ravioli
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize