I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
