Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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