yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
