Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
