my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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