i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
