mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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