we have pet lesbian snakes
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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