I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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