I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize