Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
