I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
