Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
