just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
