Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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