if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
