My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
