I think my fart just growled at me.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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