i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
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