***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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