the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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