I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
