where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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