He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
