you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize