We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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