i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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