A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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